3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's like iHOP with fire
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
