I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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