I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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