so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize