I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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