There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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