he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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