Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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