He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
