guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
