put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
