2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
