You smell like a Billy Joel song
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
