I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
