Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
