Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
