Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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