he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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