I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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