I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
