i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
