if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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