he thought i was a dude.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
