Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
