It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
