My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
People in love make me want to vomit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
