she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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