is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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