accomplished twins. life is a go
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
