I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
