I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nutella sex= disaster
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
