I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
