Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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