I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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