Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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