If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize