New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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