Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
