Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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