don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize