I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
