hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
