What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
