So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I seem to have left my pride at pride
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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