You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
