dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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