The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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