Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
