went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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