Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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