I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
