there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
