Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
