That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
