i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
