Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
