we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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