$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize