we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
