U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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