he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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