also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
