there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My ass is underappreciated
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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