I'm laying in your front yard are you home
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
