He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
