So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
