Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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