how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
