Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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