Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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